Last Lecture

  So, I had to do a last lecture for one of my classes, so here it is.

      Be who you want to be, a classic quote from an annoying doll named Barbie. Now, in most terms, I would never bring her up, but this phrase rings true. It always has. Its saying be who you wish to be. Barbie can be anything she wants/you wanted to be. Girls would imagine themselves as doctors and strong held women. They wanted to be themselves. Something I never wanted to be as a child. I was always afraid of not being normal, that I couldn't reach what I wanted, so much so, I lost my happiness. I was unhappy being what I thought I should be. I was wrong.

     My whole life I've always felt different, I've always felt like I was unwanted. I felt strange. I was different, and in third grade I found out why. I was diagnosed with a form of autism called aspergers. Now, it may not have seemed much of anything, I was still the same person, but my teacher refused to believe it was real and would exile me from the other students. I was constantly being picked on then since people thought, "If the teacher does it, it must be okay." By the end of my third grade year, I wanted to die. I spent most of the next four or five years this way. Even with friends who accepted me, I was always scared people would notice. I never told another person I had autism, I pretended to be dumb, and never did any work. I would act stupid so people would think I was normal. I stayed this way until the summer before eighth grade, when I met someone new. His name was Tyler. He was an outgoing yet shy person. He was the exact opposite of me, but we became friends. He taught me it didn't matter what other people thought of you, or how they think you should be. I became happy again. He taught me not to be so recluse, and enjoy the world around me. Then in late February of late year, he died. And the last thing he told his family to tell every one he knew was to remain happy, because he didn't want us to be sad even if he wasn't around to cheer us up. He saved my life. Imagine yourself as a Barbie or Ken doll. Would you rather be in Toy Story where you picked out your own clothes, got to do things you wanted, or do you want to be the doll owned by that girl you wants to be a dentist? No one truly wants to be a dentist; those are just the people who didn't do the best at medical school, with exceptions. Be the dolls in Toy Story, and chose your own path, be happy.

     I've been depressed. Extremely depressed. It actually runs in my family. Some people blame things on their genetics. There's really no point though, since it just means you’re more prone to be that way. My family is more prone to be depressed. Whether I choose to be that way or make myself that way though, is my fault. Both of my parents are quite young, my mother had me at sixteen and a half, and my dad was seventeen. Because they couldn't take care of me, they gave legal guardianship to my grandmother who has raised me since I can remember. She is my mom as must as my biological mother is. Both of them though, are extremely depressive and negative people. When I go over to their place in valley center, with the three of us in one area, dark clouds form. I'm not joking. Nine out of ten times I come over, it become overcast. My parents would have complained about the eighty degree weather that burned the week away the whole drive down. But due to their lack ability to find happiness within themselves at times, when you need to laugh or smile, our relationship has gone down in the dumps. I never had a good relationship with my father; in fact, I truly don't want to have one. I hate him with every spec of matter in my body. And my mother is no help either. Because of her depression and apathy, if she doesn't feel like doing something right then, or it won't be 'fun' to her, it becomes nothing. She has broken so many promises to me, I can't trust her word any more, and haven't been able to for a couple years. Being so negative about everything, apathy, depression, sullenness, don't be that way. Live life as a happy person, even if you don't want to be at the time. I'm not saying don't be sad. We have those feelings for a purpose, but stay on the brighter side of things. You will feel better, along as the people whom you interact with shall.

     When I was younger I was convinced I wouldn't get anywhere in life because people thought I was weird, now I was really wrong, but still. My mother has a rare nerve disease called RSD, or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. Some of the side effects from a case like hers are muscle spasms that will last hours, where without medication, her body would literally moving without control, the sensation of third degree burns all over her body for no reason, going on and off, and she must take over ten different types of medication a day to stop those side effects and many more, some I'm sure I'm not even aware of. My mom has a PhD in creative writing and U.S. history. While raising three kids, had two jobs, and went to school, she fought with her disease, it slowly getting worse and worse each year. When I was five, she graduated from San Diego State University. She finished teaching school when I was eight, and got a job teaching at Temecula Middle School when I was nine. She taught for four year, and became bed redden due to her disease. She went through years of schooling to get there, only to be forced physically forced to stop. Had it not happened, she would have still been teaching there. We are a lot like the game Frogger, we have to jump passed moving obstacles, in order to get to our goal, the other side of the road. So people get hit, and walk away from the game. Others though stay determined to get as far as they can before the batteries die. They even may have the charger plugged in and it may take a black out to stop them. Well, my mom hit a black out with not light at the end of the tunnel. The disease in incurable. We can all reach all goals if we try. As my grandma says, "Whether you can or can't, you're right."

     We are only ourselves. We cannot be different. We are all different. No one is the same. Would you rather live life as yourself, reaching the goals you want, and being a happy person, or would you like to be the person who hates everything in their life. We're all snowflakes. Don't expect you or others to be the same.